


shaking hands and heavy hearts

by jennycaakes



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Blood must have blood spoilers, F/M, season 2 finale spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 13:22:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3530912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennycaakes/pseuds/jennycaakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke returns from her time away and is greeted by those she cares about. Do they still care about her after what she's done? Do they forgive her for being gone so long?</p>
            </blockquote>





	shaking hands and heavy hearts

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after 2x16 Blood Must Have Blood pt 2.

_One_

Monty greets her at the gate. They must’ve had someone scouting, because no one draws any guns when she exits the woods. Monty’s all smiles and hugs, his arms around her tightly as she inhales his scent. Soap – they must’ve gotten it from somewhere. A trade, maybe. His grin is wide as he pulls away. “I’m so happy that you’re back,” he tells her, and Clarke returns the smile politely. “Things haven't been the same without you, Clarke.” She dips her head, unsure of what to say next, and lets him guide her into camp.

_Two_

She goes straight to her old tent. Even though people have started building cabins, larger tents, expanding across the land, she knows her mother wouldn’t stray too far from medical. She pushes open the flap and finds Abby sitting on the edge of her bed. Her mother blinks a few times before shaking her head, letting out a quiet laugh. “I didn’t believe them when they said you were back,” Abby says. Clarke stands in the doorway unable to move forward. “But then again I didn’t believe them when they said you had left, either.”

“I had to go,” Clarke responds, keeping her voice even.

“It’s been three months, Clarke,” Abby says. “I thought you had died.”

“I had to go,” Clarke says again, not wanting to offer any more explanation than that.

Abby stands and opens her arms, crossing the room to her daughter and pulling her close. “I know,” Abby murmurs. Clarke’s own arms swing up to hold her as well, relief that there is no yelling or argument here. “But I’m glad you're back.”

_Three_

Octavia’s been sitting across from Clarke for five minutes and hasn’t said anything. There’s no war paint under her eyes but Octavia still looks like a Grounder. Her hair is still tied in elaborate braids that keep it from her face, there are scars that have healed across her cheeks. Her lips are pursed as though there’s something angry she wants to say but isn’t.

Clarke holds her gaze for a long time but when no words come about she looks away, her mouth feeling dry. Octavia reaches across and rests her hand atop Clarke’s, startling the latter and causing her to look back up.

“I forgive you, you know,” Octavia says. Clarke blinks a few times, trying to force herself to stop from tearing up, and swallows away the guilt. The guilt of Tondc, the guilt of Mount Weather. “I need you to know that I forgive you.” Clarke tips her head into a nod and Octavia removes her hands before standing up, leaving Clarke alone at the table. “Bellamy’s in a meeting with The Council,” she tells her before she leaves. “He should be out before dinner.”

Octavia walks away and Clarke squeezes her eyes shut, taking a deep breath to steady her nerves.

_Four_

Clarke watches from the doorway as Raven and Wick toss pencils at each other in the laboratory. The smile that graces Raven’s face is pure and bright and Clarke feels her own face taking a similar shape just watching the two of them. “Kyle!” Raven laughs, dodging another pencil and reaching for a balled up piece of scrap paper to throw in his direction. He deflects it, sending the paper in Clarke’s direction, and causing both of them to notice her standing there. She freezes as everyone’s smiles disappear. “Clarke,” Raven exhales.

At once Raven pushes herself away from the desk she’s sitting at and strides toward her. There’s a new brace on her leg that Wick must’ve made and Raven’s fast with it. Her arms are outstretched and she pulls Clarke toward her immediately.

“Hey,” Clarke breathes. Raven squeezes her tightly and Clarke hugs her back and sighs in relief. “How’ve you been?” she forces out.

Raven laughs, pulling away, and then that smile is back on her face. “How have _I_ been?” Raven asks. “You’re the one that went _backpacking_.” For the first time in what feels like forever a quiet laugh escapes Clarke. She’d forgotten the power of laughter, how light it could make her feel. “We’ve been fine here,” Raven says, looking over her shoulder at Wick who simply tips his head in a greeting toward Clarke. “Without us there wouldn’t be a shower system. So we’ve been clean, too.”

Wick makes a face in Clarke’s direction. “Looks like _you_ could use a shower,” he says to her. Another laugh escapes Clarke and she shakes her head in disbelief.

“I can lend you my soap,” Raven says as they start for the exit. They wave goodbye to Wick in the laboratory and start down a hallway quietly, nothing but their boots echoing. “You want to talk about?” Raven asks.

“Not yet,” Clarke responds.

Raven nods. “Let me know when you do. I’ll be here.” 

_Five_

Lincoln looks happier than Clarke has ever remembered seeing him. He may have been born on the ground but it’s clear he’s a Sky Person at heart. Despite his tattoos he blends seamlessly into his surroundings, playing around with some of the kids that fell from the sky. He’s lifting them by their toes, laughing with them and spinning them around, smiling so wide it splits his face in half. Seeing the children makes Clarke hesitate. Even though they're from the sky her heart is heavy with the ones who were lost at Mount Weather.

Lincoln spots Clarke as she can no longer carry the weight anymore, her eyebrows coming together in sadness as she starts away. Lincoln's eyes widen in surprise at seeing her and he nearly drops the boy in his arms, but then carefully lowers him down.

Soon after Lincoln is striding in her direction, his arms outstretched like so many others have been today, and pulls Clarke toward him.

“You’re not very good at covering your tracks, Clarke,” he tells her as they hug. She pulls away, looking up at him with her eyebrows furrowed. He smiles at her gently. “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.”

Clarke feels small, then and shakes her head. “What are you talking about?” she asks.

“After a few days Bellamy sanctioned a mission to find you,” Lincoln tells her. They leave the playroom and start walking down the halls of Camp Jaha, laughter from the children to their backs. “The Dropship isn’t too far from here.” Clarke feels her chest run cold and slows her pace. “I know you weren’t there very long. A week, maybe.” She hadn’t known that she was being watched. Nothing felt out of the ordinary. “From there you went west. Back to the mountain.”

Her voice sounds angrier than she wants it to, “You all knew where I was the whole time?”

“No. Just me.” Clarke shakes her head, still not entirely understanding what he’s saying. “I told Bellamy your tracks went cold. He called off the search a week into it.” Lincoln’s shoulders lift into a small shrug. “I checked up on you every once in a while. Made sure you were still there. Still alive.” Clarke doesn’t ask the question she wants to. _Why didn’t you tell anyone?_ But Lincoln answers it anyway. “I know what it’s like to need to get away. To repent.” They agree to leave it at that.

_Six_

Jasper’s sitting awfully close to Harper when Clarke finds him. They’re playing some sort of card game and he, too, looks happy. This is the first time since she came through the gates of Camp Jaha that Clarke feels someone’s happiness is solely because she isn’t there. She takes a step away when he cocks his head, hearing the floorboards squeak.

Harper’s on her feet at once, “Clarke!” So Clarke stands her ground, smiles at her friend as she rushes forward for yet another hug of the day. “Monty told us you were back,” she says as she pulls away. “No one wanted to crowd you.” Jasper stays silent as Harper speaks and stays in his seat as well. There’s darkness in his eyes that makes Clarke’s stomach clench, but the mention of Monty in the presence of Jasper leads her to believe that maybe they’ve worked through some of their struggles. She doesn’t think it’s fair that her plan caused the two of them to break apart. “He’s off with Nate now,” Harper rambles on, “but I’m guessing you saw him earlier.”

“He met me at the gate,” Clarke nods. Jasper holds Clarke’s gaze and finally Harper catches on, stepping aside so the two of them can… _something_. “Hi Jasper,” Clarke says softly.

“There were rumors you ran off and joined the Grounders,” Jasper says. Clarke presses her lips together and takes a deep breath. She’d thought long and hard about going to see Lexa in Polis, finally having understood why Lexa made the choices that she did. But in the end she couldn’t. Lexa’s betrayal, the end of the alliance, was what led Clarke to kill everyone in Mount Weather. And that was unforgivable. “But I don’t see any tattoos,” Jasper continues.

Clarke extends her arms to him. “No tattoos,” she confirms. “No Grounders.” Faster than she thought possible Jasper leaps from his seat. He throws his arms around and lets out a short breath, squeezing Clarke as close as he can manage. “I’m sorry,” Clarke whimpers, her arms snaking around him as well. “Jasper…”

“I understand,” he tells her gently. “I understand, now.”

And it isn’t absolution, but Clarke accepts it anyway.

_Seven_

She’s pacing the room outside where The Council is meeting. Clarke’s been reunited with so many people today that she isn’t sure what to expect with _him_. Anger is her first thought. Bellamy will be pissed when he sees her face. Then betrayal for leaving him here to shoulder the weight of their actions alone, and Clarke knows what betrayal feels like. She stares at the door for a few minutes before striding away, shaking her head and telling herself that this reunion will just have to wait until tomorrow.

She isn’t even halfway down the hall when she hears his voice. “Clarke?” It knocks the breath out of her. She pauses where she stands but can’t bring herself to turn, too scared of what she’ll find on his face. Then there are heavy footsteps, Bellamy’s boots loud as he strides down the hall. “Clarke,” he calls again, and then she turns slowly.

He stops a few feet from her, his lips parted in surprise. His eyes dart over her body more than once before falling on her face, and she takes a moment to study him as well. The splash of freckles that are dancing across his nose now from being in the sun, his messy dark hair that looks shorter than she remembers which means he must’ve gotten it cut recently. There’s a lightness to his eyes as well that she doesn’t remember, something that makes her feel warm as he watches her.

Bellamy stands taller now with his shoulders back. He looks older, too, even though it’s only been a few months. His hands are hanging at his side. His tongue darts out to wet his lips as though there’s something he wants to say but can’t quite figure it out.

Clarke decides to speak instead. “Hi,” she whispers.

Of all of the hugs she’s received today, none of them have made her feel this safe. Bellamy’s upon her at once, pulling her into his grasp with strong arms that don’t hesitate for a moment. He crushes her body against his and the two of them sway. His hand reaches up, cupping the back of her head as she’s seen him do with Octavia more than once. Clarke’s cheek falls against her chest and she closes her eyes, breathing in Bellamy while listening to his rapid heartbeat. After a minute when he’s still holding on Clarke squeezes him tightly once to let him know it’s okay to let go.

Bellamy doesn’t move very far. He cups her cheeks in his hands and looks into her eyes, still trying to figure out if she’s really here.

“I was worried,” he rasps.

“Why?” Clarke asks.

Bellamy’s eyebrows come together in confusion. He lowers his hands from her cheeks and Clarke looks toward the ground, as though Bellamy is suddenly too bright for her eyes. “You were gone a long time,” Bellamy murmurs. His voice is sad. “I was starting to think you might not come back.” The emotion in his voice causes Clarke to look up again and she finds Bellamy’s gaze on her, still to process that she’s really here in front of him. “We missed you here,” he says. Bellamy clears his throat. Something about these past few months – working with The Council and the guard, namely – must have triggered a new sort of bravery in him. For he says, “ _I_ missed you,” and Clarke doesn’t think he would’ve said that to her before.

Softly, she responds, “I missed you too, Bellamy.”

And then he’s looking at her again like there’s still so much to say. Finally he settles with, “You’re really here.” Clarke nods and his face lights up with a smile, somehow making her whole body feel warm. “And you’re staying?”

“I’m staying,” Clarke confirms. The smile on Bellamy’s face is even more incredible than before, if possible. “I… wanted to come home.”  

He steps forward and bends down, pressing his lips gently to her forehead. Clarke’s eyes flutter shut at the kiss and she smiles, too.

“I’m glad you did,” he murmurs. In this moment, Clarke lets out the breath she’d been holding in since she first saw Camp Jaha in the distance. Things will be okay. “It’s not home without you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative Title: hugs galore to mend my broken heart


End file.
